I don’t know if it’s the parched, dangling tongues or the crudely shapen appendages, but something just isn’t sitting well. These two are making me uncomfortable. The cup-to-nipple ratio is all off with that bikini, and her boyfriend’s pantlessness seems so unnecessary. Couldn’t he at least have worn underwear? We’re trying to fill a toy box here, not a swingers lounge.

Yowza! What a crazy week it’s been. I actually have a little blog post traffic jam going on. Too much to talk about and not enough time to do it. I’ll get it all sorted out this week, but it might not actually be in chronological order. Who cares about chronology, anyway? I’ve even got a great post of cat pictures that’s been marinating for a while that I’m going to pretend just happened. I may even get around to that heart-touching Mother’s Day post I composed in my head a while ago, complete with pictures of my gorgeous mom and her killer gams. You don’t mind if I mess around with time and space, do you? We’ll call it Quantum Blogging. A little String Theory is just the thing for a knitting blog.

So today, I’ll write about the most recent happening. The Book Expo in Washington, D.C.!

My publisher, Quirk Books, got some advance copies of the book to bring to the BEA so attendees could peruse it. It’s not going to be available until late in the summer, but they like to get a few early copies from the printer so booksellers have something they can hold in their hands and flip through. It’s much more satisfying than just a simple explanation of the book in a catalog. (I’m pleased as punch about this philosophy because it meant that I got a copy, too!) They also had a poster of the cover in their booth, along with some informational postcards. It was very surreal to see it all, it almost seemed foreign to me. I guess because it’s been a while since I finished writing it. I was pretty much done in early November, except for a couple more rounds of editing and some extra text for the dust jacket (yes, a dust jacket. It’s all class with Stitchy.). Also, it turns out that some of the images I scanned had to be redone because there was cat hair on them. Heh.

The book itself is gorgeous. (I’ll have a picture tomorrow, I promise) From the satiny finish on its hardcover shell and the aforementioned glossy dust jacket, to the colorful graphic design inside, the book designer did an amazing job. His name is Arin LoPrete and the moment he started on the project, he understood. He just totally got it and knew exactly how to compliment the images and text with bold colors, interesting fonts, and funny little icons sprinkled throughout. The person I have to thank the most is Sarah Sockit. (check out her latest creation!) She was my guide through this entire book-making thing and helped me keep focused on what I needed to do. She just knows what to do to make something good, it’s as simple as that. I Heart Sarah. And the other person who I have to thank is Debbie Stoller. Yes, that Debbie Stoller. She’s the one who told Sarah about my website in the first place! Can you stand it?

And speaking of Ms. Stoller, I finally got a chance to thank her in person at the BEA. I met her when she was speaking on a panel to booksellers about how they can better appeal to knitters (and crocheters). She was very sweet and was wearing a cute skull and crossneedles t-shirt. And who else was on the esteemed panel? Why, Ms. Pearl-McPhee, of course! I didn’t have a camera because I knew I’d be gathering up a boatload of free stuff and didn’t want it to get squished, but you can see evidence over at her place. Her sock and my book really hit it off.

And guess who else I saw? The domiKNITrix herself!‚ Jen was there in all her becoreseted glory. She looked rockin’ and was sweet as pie. Among the stickers and temporary tattoos she was handing out, she had finished examples of a few items from her upcoming pattern book and they looked great. She was also giving away a gorgeous sweater that I may actually look ok in if I keep exercising. I didn’t have any business cards to put in the raffle bowl, but my friend Victor did. He threatened to keep it if he won, but I don’t think he’s a lacey, fitted sweater kind of a guy.

The book show itself was really fun. I went with my friend, Victor, who was at BEA for his work. I love going to these conferences with him. He’s taken me to Toy Fair in NY a few times and we always have a blast. By the end of the day, we’re exhausted, carrying around 100 pounds of free stuff that we’ll never use, and laughing like crazy because we’re getting a little punchy. Good times. I also couldn’t help but look at this show through the eyes of a knitter. Honestly, with all the knitting and crochet books that were there, the woman knitting the amazing lace in the Sally Melville booth, the free yarn being given away at Interweave Knits’ booth, and the bloggers and knitters I ran into, I’d say it was closer to a fiber festival with a few other books laying around than anything else. And people, hear me when I say that this fall is going to kick ass when it comes to knitting patterns. I saw some gorgeous books that were going to be available around October/November. The one I’m most looking forward to is by Tracey Ullman. Oh man, I have loved me some Tracey since You Broke My Heart in 17 Places came out in 1984‚  . I had the whole album memorized. Apparently she was there signing autographs, but we missed her. Both Victor and I were totally bummed. But her new book of patterns created with Mel Clark looks great.

OK, that’s a lot of words and no pictures. I’ll leave you with a link to the image of one of the ties I made for the folks at Quirk to wear during the show. This is commitment, people. I don’t know who took the photo, but it’s in a gallery of photos from the show. I’m not exactly sure, but I think these ties actually made their chests sweat. And someone actually wore the Budvisor, too! Poor guy, his face was an eerie, queasy green. I’m not sure if it was the floodlights filtering through the 2-liter bottle visor or just the fact that he was wearing it that made him turn that color, but I appreciate Quirk’s support of all stitches kitschy. Thanks, guys!

Tomorrow, a tour of the Smithsonian American History Museum, Stitchy style. Or maybe a look at some of the cool stuff I got at the show. Or my haul from the NH Sheep and Wool festival. Crap, I don’t know. Anyone have a preference?

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So you’ve replaced everything useful in your home with clever yarn replicas, have you? Excellent. Now you can start with the more mundane items around the house. Daisies are always nice, but so overdone. How about some used, crumpled tissues fashioned from the finest cashmere? Beetle carapaces take on a decidedly feminine look when you knit them in pink silk. And nothing says home cookin’ like a nice bowl of macaroni and cheez, but you won’t have to worry about accidentally snorting up that packet of day-glo orange powder when it’s made in luxurious Egyptian cotton thread. We wouldn’t want a repeat of last year’s unpleasant incident, now would we?

Perhaps the National Childrens’ Puppet Theater wasn’t the best venue to stage the ill-fated sequel to Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice. Although the cast had impressive resumes, Clown & Snowman & The Terrible Dragon was a remarkable flop. Grown-ups felt that the nuances in the relationship between the ever-smirking clown and the dragon, played unconvincingly by an alligator, just didn’t ring true. Kids continually interrupted performances with their demands to know just how the snowman was able to exist in a tropical rainforest without melting. The show closed less than a week after opening.

Pity. She seems like such a friendly, inviting woman. She’s even placed a convenient doorknocker on her pelvis for all those wishing to enter. Too bad you can’t approach her without suffering from sudden motion sickness followed by debilitating retinal damage and long-term visual disturbances.