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‚ . . .from the seamy underbelly of the Museum world!

And unholy alliance of Kitschy Stitches and Bad Art has been formed, consider yourself duly warned.

I will be making an appearance at the Museum of Bad Art in Dedham, MA on January 15th at 7:30! I can’t tell you how excited I am. As a great lover of the arts and a long-time admirer of movie theater basements, I am thrilled at the opportunity to take part in this historic occasion. MOBA is celebrating the return of one of its crown jewels, a painting called “Eileen”, which years ago found itself mixed up in mystery and intrigue. There may have even been hijinks. You can read all about it here. Only at the event will you hear the tale of it’s journey home.

Join me, along with Leah Kramer, creator of the amazing Craftster.org and author of The Craftster Guide to Nifty, Thrifty, and Kitschy Crafts, as we rejoice in the return of the prodigal painting. I will have the Traveling Trunk Show in tow and I know Leah will have something deliciously kitschy cooked up for you, as well.

The MOBA Gallery is located at 580 High St, Dedham Square, in the basement of the Dedham Community Theatre. You can also visit them online!

Hope to see you at MOBA! There will be weenies!

(I couldn’t fit the whole newsletter from MOBA in this post, so I’m just going to paste the text about the event.)

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Help Us Celebrate the Return of “Eileen”‚ 
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In our last newsletter, we told you that our treasured, iconic painting, “Eileen” has been recovered, after being stolen in 1996. We will once again unveil this masterpiece and celebrate her return at a reception in the MOBA gallery on Monday evening, January 15.

We’ll retell the heart-stopping tale of recovering our treasure. After a ten year hiatus, you will be able to appreciate “Eileen” in person.

Please join us at 7:30 PM at the MOBA Gallery, 580 High St, Dedham Square, in the basement of the Dedham Community Theatre. Traditional MOBA music and refreshments!

As always, this event is free. As always, creative attire is encouraged – especially if you have an Eileen-like hat.

And, as always, we would be delighted to have a few volunteers help with the event. Contact info@MuseumOfBadArt.org.

While you’re there, you’ll have a chance to take in current MOBA exhibit:
…Nature Abhors a Vacuum and All Other Housework:
…Unlikely Landscapes, Still Lifes, and Portraits.

And, as the following article explains, we are combining the return of Eileen with another very special event.‚ 

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Bad Art Meets Bad Craft‚ 
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You know that MOBA collects, exhibits, and celebrates art. We eschew craft and turn down offers of shag rugs, macramĩ plant hangers, paint-by-numbers, and more. But we appreciate kitschy craft.

The Boston area is home to the authors of:
“The Museum of Kitschy Stitches: A Gallery of Notorious Knits” and
“The Craftster Guide to Nifty, Thrifty, and Kitschy Crafts:
Fifty Fabulous Projects From the Fifties and Sixties”

We have persuaded Leah Kramer, (“Craftster Guide”) and Stitchy McYarnpants a.k.a. Debbie Brisson , (“Museum of Kitschy Stitches”) to come to MOBA for a gala book signing. Leah and Stitchy will show us projects from their amazing books and tell us about the kitsch in their worlds.

This is also on January 15, combined with the event listed above. So you don’t miss this evening! There have been hints that Stitchy may bring one of her famous Astro-Weenie trees to complete the snack offerings.

See Stitchy at stitchymcyarnpants.com/moks06/ or visit Leah at www.Craftster.org.

Don’t miss this opportunity to meet the Queens of Kitschy Craft at the Museum of Bad Art.

A personal note: One MOBA staffer admits to crocheting. We have a photo of an item she created in the 70s from a pattern featured in “The Museum of Kitschy Stitches”. We’ll have that one enhanced and enlarged to present to Ms. McYarnpants.‚ 

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. . . in the Knitting Olympics? Maybe I’ll make one out of beer can, because I’m a winner, baby! I don’t know if I’m officially Dead Last, but I’m guessing I’m around there somewhere. That’s cool, I’m not big on exerting myself, so I took my time, poked and prodded some yarn with my size 7 Denise needles for a while, and whaddaya know? Less than a year later, the yarn finally relented and took the form of a new sweater for Jon!

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Not the greatest photo, but it’s all I have at the moment. It’s the second version of this sweater that I’ve made for him. It’s Manly from the first Stitch ¢â‚¬Ëœn Bitch book. Thank you, Ms. Stoller! The first one was pretty good, he even won a prize for it. rowr. But it was in size Small, which was a little, well, small. This time, I made it in Medium. It’s definitely bigger, maybe a little too long in the sleeves and bulky in the shoulders. But I’m reserving judgment until I wash and block it. The yarn is exactly the same as the lest one, just a different color. It’s of the unnamed coned variety from Webs (mostly wool, with 10% cashmere) and it has the most amazing bloom. It’ll take on a whole different look after a good soaking.

I finished this, along with a number of other projects on what turned out to be the most productive Christmas I’ve ever had. Jon, his mother, Barbara, and I went to my parent’s house for an overnight visit. On Christmas Day, we were joined by two special guest stars. My friend, Charlene, and her cat, Kuga!

We had a lovely time watching Elf and A Christmas Story, my favorite Christmas classics, had Chinese food on Christmas Eve and a nice ham dinner for the holiday. In between all that, I finished seaming a sweater for Ginger:

It’s the Side Wrap Kimono from Crystal Palace. I used Scoubidu in the colorway Blue Stone Wash. I think I used size 6 needles and used about two and a half skeins. I may have enough left over for a little hat or something. I still need to add a closure, and I’m thinking of a low-test Velcro that’ll be easy to use, but won’t stretch out the fabric when opened. I also want to crochet a little flower or something to girly it up just the tiniest bit.

And I felted the Mini Skull Tote. Here it is in it’s pre-felted state with no reference whatsoever as to what size it might possibly have been. I know, I try to be helpful in these matters. Basically, you could fit you head into it.

Aand here it is in all it’s felted glory.

Dot is‚ trying to give you some kind of scale. She’s not freakishly large or anything, so let’s just say your average cat head would fit inside it now.‚ I used Lamb’s Pride Worsted size 10.5 needles. Even though my intarsia left a little something to be desired, like quality and evenness, the felting dewonkified it somewhat. And even though my intarsia is a bit assy,‚ I love the results and it will be sent off to its intended recipient soon as thanks for a job long completed. Whoopsie.‚ 

So you see? I still knit. I‚ already started a new project and am loving it. I don’t have photos yet, I want to get a little further to make it more interesting. It’s‚ the Woven Kimono Cardigan designed by Kelly at the Elegant Ewe. You can see it in the second photo on their newsletter. It’s the gorgeous brown one. Also note the first photo. I love the Elegant Ewe. They let me‚ join them at Stitches East in Baltimore and I’m looking forward to working with them again. I’ll show you more of the Kimono soon. I’m just about to do the increases for the body, so it should be interesting.‚ 

On the Mike front, we at Chez Stitchy thank you for all your well wishes. Mike is doing really well. He came home on Wednesday and the first thing he wanted to do when he got home after refusing to eat since the previous Sunday was . .‚  leap. We cleared out a small room for him, but I guess we didn’t clear it enough because he was trying to jump up on everything in there. I got pretty much everyting else out except for a couple of small bins for him to sit on. I know cats like to get up high, especially when they’re feeling vulnerable, so I didn’t want to leave him high low and dry.

The room he was sequestered in is a strange little thing connected to our bedroom. Maybe it was a nursery or something at one time. We put up a baby gate to keep him confined, but by the next‚ morning, I heard him rustling around, then I heard his plastic cone scraping against stuff. Then the scraping got louder, it was coming closer! He had somehow scaled the gate.‚ It was kind of like a horror movie, but instead of being set upon by a maniacal killer, I was faced with this:

We always notice that whenever Mike comes back from the groomer (he’s been twice so far), he’s a little bit nicer than when he left. This surgery was like 100 visits to the groomer at once because all he wants to do it cuddle. I don’t know how long it’ll last, but I’m enjoyng it while I can.

And here he is, enjoying the unseasonable, and frankly frightenly beautiful weather today.

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It’s January 6th and the windows are open. The sun has gone down and they’re still open. Freaky. I need to get a Prius or something.‚ But until then, it’s perfect weather to enjoy with a friend.

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I haven’t written up a special post for the new year. There are a lot of reasons. I’m still trying to figure out just what the hell has happened over the past year. I mean, a book? A book tour? Two reprints (small reprints, but still, it’s on it’s third printing!)? It’s just weird. I don’t even know how to go about explaining just how it all feels, because it’s not all joy. I’ve now set a bar for myself that I’m having a hard time getting over. I have too many ideas, too much I want to and I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. I love pushing myself, challenging myself, so I’m certainly not tortured over it, but I’m definitely competing against myself and am determined to kick my own ass. Along with the joy are a bit of anxiousness, fear of failure, and a drive to succeed that is like a drug. And despite the book doing fairly well, it has by no means provided me the‚ stability or paycheck‚ for a new career, so my full-time day job is still at the top of my list of things to do. But it’s all good. I even really enjoy doing presentations at book signings now and I’m going to be scheduling more soon! W00t!

Another reason I haven’t done a New Year’s post is that Jon and I have both been a bit distracted lately.‚  And no, I’m not pregnant like a certain redhead I adore and couldn’t be happier for, but I figured if she can show pictures of innards, so can I.

First, this is the outside of our slightly evil baby Mike.

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Fierce Bad Mike. You may remember him from his demonstration on Live Dying.‚ 

And here is the inside of Mike.

Click for big. It’s kind of hard to scan an X-Ray, so I circled the points of interest. As you can see, crafty cat that he is, Mike has made himself a lovely set of Bladder Stones. He has been keeping most of them in his bladder, but recently rearranged a bit and decided that his urethra might be a good place to put a couple. You know, mix things up a bit. A few days ago, we noticed he was acting strange, kind of mopey and crying this pitiful little cry. He was in and out of the litter box a lot and eventually I saw him pee in front of the litter box. He looked really distressed and barely anything came out.

We took him to the vet, yadda yadda, they removed his penis and now he has to pee like a girl out of a brand new orifice under his anus.

Yes, you read that correctly. Go ahead, read it again. I’m telling you, your eyes did not deceive you.

He had to undergo emergency surgery yesterday because he was completely blocked. The procedure is called a Perineal Urethrostomy. When they ran through the estimate for us, they mentioned “Holiday Prices”. Now, normally this means some kind of big sale, but trust me, when you hear those words in the emergency room of an animal hospital, there are no low, low prices to get excited about. Turns out surgeons would rather go to parties on New Year’s Eve rather than perform Penectomies on cats and apparently need to keep well hydrated while performing the surgery. I mean, I didn’t actually see the Krug itemized on the bill, but I can only assume that’s why it’s costing as much as it is.

‚ Mike is still at the hospital recovering. He should be home tomorrow or Wednesday and we’ve set up our bedroom to be his little sanctuary where he can be secluded from the other cats while he recovers – plastic head cone and all. Poor little guy. Imagine peeing from a whole new place? We visited him today and he’s officially a post-op transsexual. Huh. Imagine that. I think that makes us a progressive household!

Did I mention that I’m selling some really amazing t-shirts and tote bags? And that 100% of the profits will go to the *Save Mike’s Life (But Unfortunately Not His Penis) Foundation? Well, I am and they will. They really are great.

I hope this new year treats you and the panty parts of all your loved ones well. It’s a whole new bucket of worms we’re opening with 2007, so let’s look alive and make it the best ever, people! Get out there and own it! Group hug!
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Breaking News: War on Christmas leads to shocking discovery in North Pole!

While carrying out the nation’s clear but double-super-secret strategy for victory in the War on Christmas, covert operations in the wintery wonderland have lead investigators to a shocking cover-up in Santa’s Workshop. While searching for signs of non-compliance to the new regulations meant to insure acceptable enjoyment and celebration practices during the Christmas season, officials discovered that the jolly fat man is not who we thought he was. Sure, he’s still fat, but his jollies are not derived from delivering gifts to good boys and girls across the land. In fact, good behavior is a sure-fire way to stay off the list that Santa really cares about.

Upon arrival at the Claus compound, operatives were met with ferocious guard reindeer, trained to gore interlopers with their mighty horns. It was the first of many frightening encounters they would have.

Once inside, they spied Santa and one of his favored elves lounging in the workshop.

After incurring heavy fines for operating under sweatshop conditions many years ago, Santa was thought to have improved conditions for his workers. Conditions have changed, alright. In fact, no toymaking was going on at all. Conveyor belts, doll-painting machines and jack-in-the-box stuffers have all been replaced with hot tubs and massage tables. The only toys in sight were the sort exclusively available to those with proper ID, many wrapped in plain paper so they could be delivered inconspicuously to the homes of Santa’s new, seamier clients. The environment could only be described as disturbingly over-affectionate.

As the officers wandered further into the holly jolly village of sin, they began to suspect that the true meaning of Christmas had been lost somewhere along the way. Not the pagan meaning from before winter solstice celebration was co-opted by newcomers, but the second, more meaningful meaning. The celebration of the birth of Jesus, which most likely took place in April.

As they shook their heads in distaste and wondered how they could make this about them and their moral superiority, they were captured and bound by a most curious creature – a reingimp. Born a normal reindeer with a mild chemical imbalance and a penchant for the unusual, he was not suited to be one of Santa’s slay team at the front gates. His bizarre use of red ribbon and leather straps festooned with jingle bells shocked the Christmas Warriors and they were easily overtaken.

It is unknown how long they were with the reingimp or what transpired during that time, but we were assured that it was entirely wholesome.

It was nightfall before they were able to free themselves and by then Santa, Mrs. Claus and all their friends were relaxing after a dinner party and a rousing game of Truth or Dare. What our noble Knights of Noel saw was scandalous at best.

Carols sung by Barry White blared as Mrs. Claus held hands with a visiting clown. Her blatant display of infidelity in front of her husband was astounding until, upon closer inspection, they noticed Santa’s hand was also resting on the clown’s shoulder. Suddenly a Leprechaun and an angel stumbled over just as they were reaching the punchline of a filthy joke involving elves, a feisty dove and a menorah. The scent of mistletoe was thick in the air, they were full of holiday spirit, alright.

One can only imagine the debauchery that ensued, and unfortunately, that is what we must do as this is where our coverage ends. The Crusaders of the Creche turned in their story rather abruptly and were last seen buying pointed shoes and green tights from a local costume shop. There is no word on their current whereabouts.

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oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Jon just called me at work to tell me that he was listening to 1430am, which is Boston Progressive Talk. Then, all of a sudden at noon, they started speaking Spanish and playing Latino music. He said, and I quote, “I’ve been listening for two hours and I like the music. I don’t know what they’re saying, but it sounds like they’re having fun.” But he was still hoping it was some kind of mix-up. It ain’t. it’s switched formats and is now called‚ “Rumba”.

But . . . but . . .‚  but . . . what about my Stephanie Miller fix in the morning? It makes my hour+ commute bearable.‚ I love her. How can they do this to me? And Al Franken? He was such good company when I worked from home. And Ed Schultz. Well, I was really warming up to him. I always thought he was what Chi-Chi would be like if he were a radio host. And could talk. And had thumbs. And Randi Rhodes – sure she can be kind of yelly, but she was perfect to listen to in the kitchen while I was cooking or doing dishes in the evening. And how can I forget Rachel Maddow? LOVE her.

Seriously, I’m a little despondent over this. There is almost always a radio on in the house with Progressive Radio on it. Usually in the kitchen. I’m so bummed. I know Stephanie Miller is on Sirius radio in the evenings, but the sound quality is awful, it sounds like‚ she’s in a tin can. And she has podcasts, but still – it’s just not the same.

~sigh~ What a bummer.

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