If these sleeveless sweaters (they’re NOT vests, dammit!) and their models aren’t sealed in a time capsule somewhere, they should be. They’re pretty much the embodiment of the free-wheelin’ 1970s. You’ve get yer diverse collection of bell-bottomed and go-go-booted citizens donning cultural icons like the Smiley Face, the Crazy Daisy, and the Rainbow Sternum. Their classic Sears Catalog posturing harkens back to a simpler time in our history. Goofy but cheerful, just like the 70s themselves, yes?

Uhh, no. The 70’s was not all smiles and flowers and technicolor ribs. There were Pilgrim-confused individuals with an Isaac Newton fetish, gals involved in lurid affairs with 50-foot women who left gaudy lipstick stains everywhere, and diamond-encrusted hunks stuffed into chunky corduroys.

In fact, let’s take a look at these crotch-poppers. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the finest example of the male camel toe we’ve ever see, affectionately known as . . . wait for it . . .

The Mooseknuckle!!!

It’s gonna get a little weird inside that time capsule.