Happy Fourth of July from a couple of wieners!! Enjoy the extra-long weekend and please remember to knit responsibly.
Archive for June, 2006
Looks like Ted in the museum’s Acquisitions Dept. went on a bit of an eBay binge and got his first shipment today. It’s a winner, folks. A winner in a most peculiar sport. It’s like the Superbowl of Suckitude. A Marathon of Mocking. The Ididerod of Ick. A Cage Match of Crapola.
Here’s a quick preview of the new additions to the glittering Karma Chameleon Complex which houses our 1980’s collection.
This is the most attractivly proportioned pattern in the whole steaming heap. We might be mising a page because there was no mention of the new fangled 1980’s hands-free cellular telephone with cranial attachment strap.
This delightful sweater is the most eye-catching in the bunch. And not only is it eye-catching, it’s doorknob-catching, clotheshook-catching, and jewelry-catching. In fact, thanks to its patented SnagItAll technology, those handy loops will insure that you never have to purchase a spiral notebook again. Just choose from the wide array that you collect on your sleeves as you breeze through your day.
And finally, without a doubt, this is the jazz-handsiest of the collection. It has that certain “Je ne sais mime” quality that we’ve come to expect from the 80’s. It really brings together the Prince-button skirt and the psycotically perky smile, don’t you think?
And these three pitcures are from just two pattern books. There are about 30 more in the box. You have been duly warned. We should probably warn the mailman, too. He always bears the brunt of Ted’s little book-buying sprees.
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First things first, it seems Charlene wants to add something to yesterday’s post. She added it in the comments, but I figured I’d just put it here for ease of use.
From Charlene:
“Did Stitchy also mention a guy in his late 70’s beat us by about 10 minutes? We were much closer to death that day than he’s ever been. We couldn’t even win the raffle at the end¢â‚¬¦”
~ahem~ no, Chuckles, as I matter of fact I didn’t mention us getting out asses thoroughly kicked by a 70something-year-old man, nor did I bring up our stunning defeat at the raffle. I also didn’t tell them that you could only name 6 of the 8 Red Sox players on the raffle sheet for the Red Sox tickets. I mean, who doesn’t have Trott Nixon’s image burned into their mind? (ok, I knew the name, but I thought he was a rodeo guy or something. You know, like Tuff Hedeman.). And that other guy whatsisname. Pfffft. So yes, we did good by showing up and eventually finishing. But everything in between? Well, we’ll do better next time.
And now on to something from a couple of weeks ago. Wendy had a Duct Tape Dummy party where we were invited to wrap ourselves and each other in duct tape, then snip each other out of our new shiny adhesive shirts. Sounds pretty kinky, eh? Well, I have to believe that somewhere, there’s a fetish for this kind of thing, there just has to be. Hey, you. The one who found this blog entry by using some keywords about your duct tape fetish, is this really a huge scene? Don’t be shy. I know this is a knitting blog and all, but we’re curious. Do tell. But tell in the comments.
Anyhoo, I brought all the necessary equipment to have Dummy Debbie made up, but I chickened out at the last minute. I ended up helping Ben and Cheryl do theirs. It was fun, like making a mummy without all that pomp and circumstance or the mess of coptic jars and brain hooks.
When I got home, Jon was disappointed that I didn’t have a carapace of myself for his amusement. Really disappointed. So much so that he insisted on making one right then. So pretty much as soon as I got home from the party, we got to work. I made sure he understood that this would not become a regular “thing”, so not to get too attached to the process, if you know what I mean. It took a while, but eventually, I ended up with this:
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I immediately regretted telling Jon to just let the tape follow the curves, for follow it did. Check out the frontal pooching. Yikes! Is that a sack of ham sandwiches in your shirt or did you just eat a sack of ham sandwiches? But I must say, it’s an accurate representation of yours truly. It’s kind of hard to tell with the tripod stand and fake head and all. Here, maybe this will give you better scale.
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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! Never let it be said that my husband does not indulge me. He was rushing out of the house the other morning when I needed pictures of this thing and he kept refusing to put it on (although he had put it on a few times before and seemed to like having his own set of boobs all to himself). He finally relented and is now totally nerve-wracked that I’m about to post it. Hee hee.
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Honey? I’m posting it. Right . . . . NOW! Too late, there’s no going back on this one!
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The human body is truly a wondrous thing. It’s like a state-of-the-art battery that’s recharged simply by providing nourishment and rest. With proper care, you can make it stronger by depleting and recharging it regularly. Experts agree that it actually gets better with each rigorous use.
Usually.
But I gotta tell ya’, we’re gonna have to go looking through all the remote controls and flashlights to find a new Stitchy battery because I. Am. Beat.
Last week, my best girl-friend, Charlene, and I partook in not one, but two 5K-ish road races. The first one was on Thursday evening in downtown Boston. It was the annual JPMorgan Chase Corporate Challenge. The course went from the Boston Common to Kenmore Square and back. It was a gorgeous night, the weather couldn’t have been better. I remember walking that route all the time when I first landed in Boston for school. Even though Kenmore Square has changed a lot, it felt like it was just yesterday. In actuality, it’s been about 6,875 yesterdays. !!‚ Anyway, my company gave out three prizes for the top three finishers running for our team and guess what? I won third place! Can you believe it? Wait, you can’t? Well, what if I told you that only three people from our company showed up to participate? Ah, makes much more sense now, right? I kind of fell off my workout bandwagon and wasn’t able to run even half the time, at one point a guy in a motorized wheelchair passed us. We overtook him later, but it wasn’t easy. I’m glad I participated, though. It was good to get out there and read all those corporate t-shirts. One said “We’re running our assets off!” It really was like a t-shirt competition. And now I have 25 bucks to spend at Best Buy!
And then Saturday morning, we did the Chelsea River Revel 5k. It started at 10:30 and was already 90 degrees by then. If you read the description of the course here, you’ll notice the words “up” and “hill” in close proximity. Twice. And‚ not a single mention of “shade”. So, out of about 55 runners, I came in dead last. Charlene beat me by half a second. Seriously, she was recorded at .5 seconds faster than me. It kind of made me wish I had pushed myself more at the Corporate Challenge because the weather had been so good. This was just torturous. And for the last 15 minutes or so, we were the ones the police had to follow on their motorcycles. Towards the end, they started to encourage us, but I can only assume it was because their nether regions had been cooking on a high heat for about 40 minutes and they just wanted us to hurry the hell up so they could pull their roasted loins off their bikes. Afterwards, there was a little fair on the Meridian Street bridge and we treated ourselves to homemade empanadas, which are just like a spinach salad, except they’re fried pastry dough filled with spicy meat or tangy cheese. We had one of each because we decided we had earned them.
In the end, it took about 43 minutes for the Chelsea race (3.1 miles)‚ and maybe 50 for the Boston one (3.5 miles). About a 15 minute mile, which is exactly what we thought we’d do. I’ll definitely do others and plan to keep working on my mad jogging skillz. But I need a couple of days to be able to walk straight first.
But for now, I need to go to sleep.
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The human body is truly a wondrous thing. It’s like a state-of-the-art battery that’s recharged simply by providing nourishment and rest. With proper care, you can make it stronger by depleting and recharging it regularly. Experts agree that it actually gets better with each rigorous use.
Usually.
But I gotta tell ya’, we’re gonna have to go looking through all the remote controls and flashlights to find a new Stitchy battery because I. Am. Beat.
Last week, my best girl-friend, Charlene, and I partook in not one, but two 5K-ish road races. The first one was on Thursday evening in downtown Boston. It was the annual JPMorgan Chase Corporate Challenge. The course went from the Boston Common to Kenmore Square and back. It was a gorgeous night, the weather couldn’t have been better. I remember walking that route all the time when I first landed in Boston for school. Even though Kenmore Square has changed a lot, it felt like it was just yesterday. In actuality, it’s been about 6,875 yesterdays. !!‚ Anyway, my company gave out three prizes for the top three finishers running for our team and guess what? I won third place! Can you believe it? Wait, you can’t? Well, what if I told you that only three people from our company showed up to participate? Ah, makes much more sense now, right? I kind of fell off my workout bandwagon and wasn’t able to run even half the time, at one point a guy in a motorized wheelchair passed us. We overtook him later, but it wasn’t easy. I’m glad I participated, though. It was good to get out there and read all those corporate t-shirts. One said “We’re running our assets off!” It really was like a t-shirt competition. And now I have 25 bucks to spend at Best Buy!
And then Saturday morning, we did the Chelsea River Revel 5k. It started at 10:30 and was already 90 degrees by then. If you read the description of the course here, you’ll notice the words “up” and “hill” in close proximity. Twice. And‚ not a single mention of “shade”. So, out of about 55 runners, I came in dead last. Charlene beat me by half a second. Seriously, she was recorded at .5 seconds faster than me. It kind of made me wish I had pushed myself more at the Corporate Challenge because the weather had been so good. This was just torturous. And for the last 15 minutes or so, we were the ones the police had to follow on their motorcycles. Towards the end, they started to encourage us, but I can only assume it was because their nether regions had been cooking on a high heat for about 40 minutes and they just wanted us to hurry the hell up so they could pull their roasted loins off their bikes. Afterwards, there was a little fair on the Meridian Street bridge and we treated ourselves to homemade empanadas, which are just like a spinach salad, except they’re fried pastry dough filled with spicy meat or tangy cheese. We had one of each because we decided we had earned them.
In the end, it took about 43 minutes for the Chelsea race (3.1 miles)‚ and maybe 50 for the Boston one (3.5 miles). About a 15 minute mile, which is exactly what we thought we’d do. I’ll definitely do others and plan to keep working on my mad jogging skillz. But I need a couple of days to be able to walk straight first.
But for now, I need to go to sleep.
