Posted by Stitchy McYarnpants On June - 24 - 2006   ShareThis

Looks like Ted in the museum’s Acquisitions Dept. went on a bit of an eBay binge and got his first shipment today. It’s a winner, folks. A winner in a most peculiar sport. It’s like the Superbowl of Suckitude. A Marathon of Mocking. The Ididerod of Ick. A Cage Match of Crapola.

Here’s a quick preview of the new additions to the glittering Karma Chameleon Complex which houses our 1980’s collection.

This is the most attractivly proportioned pattern in the whole steaming heap. We might be mising a page because there was no mention of the new fangled 1980’s hands-free cellular telephone with cranial attachment strap.

This delightful sweater is the most eye-catching in the bunch. And not only is it eye-catching, it’s doorknob-catching, clotheshook-catching, and jewelry-catching. In fact, thanks to its patented SnagItAll technology, those handy loops will insure that you never have to purchase a spiral notebook again. Just choose from the wide array that you collect on your sleeves as you breeze through your day.

And finally, without a doubt, this is the jazz-handsiest of the collection. It has that certain “Je ne sais mime” quality that we’ve come to expect from the 80’s. It really brings together the Prince-button skirt and the psycotically perky smile, don’t you think?

And these three pitcures are from just two pattern books. There are about 30 more in the box. You have been duly warned. We should probably warn the mailman, too. He always bears the brunt of Ted’s little book-buying sprees.

11 Responses

  1. Stephieface says:

    That has got to be the BEST word combo to describe something… really.

  2. Kim says:

    Ditto what Stephieface said. I’m now on a mission to find an opportunity to say jazz-handiest. It even sounds perfect just said in my head.

  3. maryse says:

    ok, i would have made that first sweater had i had the pattern book.

  4. April says:

    The perfect sweater for shoplifters! hehe – esp if you steal spiral notebooks!

  5. Leisel says:

    There is something just eerily wrong about the model’s face in the first picture. I can’t put my finger on it, but she definitely looks off, and it’s creeping me out.

  6. Dave E. says:

    Leisel-It’s the eyes I think. That hot “It seems I’ve just suffered a stroke” look was very big in the 80’s.

  7. Laurie says:

    Even when I wore neck ties in the 80s I knew it was wrong and that I was creating a mockable moment. They screamed “dated.”

    You know, one of the sides of velcro is actually loops so you are bang on when you pointed out the snaggy sensation. You could probably break the fingers of passers by as you breeze through crowds.

  8. deb says:

    It is definitely the eyes (first model). The left eye is smaller than the right. That sweater looks so hot & uncomfortable. It’s possible that maybe i would have made that third sweater. And maybe worn it to work. Not the gloves or the skirt but the sweater. Maybe.

  9. MadameD says:

    I think it’s the expression that makes that last model. That, and the fact that she looks like Tammy Faye with 3/4 less make-up.

  10. Joy says:

    I know what the problem is with the first model. She has a bat in her hair. You guys are soooo unsympathetic. Your eyes would look all weird if you had a bat in your hair, too.

  11. BernaWeaves says:

    I hate to say this, but sweater #1 is IN again. Have you been watching New York Fashion Week?

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