‚ 

Awwwwww, wook at the cute widdle cuddle buddies! Chi-Chi and Mike wuv each other sooo much.

‚ 

Note to self: Don’t kiss Mike’s head for a while.

(They were like this for at least half an hour. Mike was marinating in there!)

‚ 

Spend your days relaxing poolside or floating around that bactieria frappe at your condo in confidence!

Whether emerging from your watery lair or descending into it, now you can count on the moisture-wicking capabilities of Suckcrylic brand fiber! Never again will you suffer the embarrassment of a sopping wet swimming sweater or a soggy hairpiece that leaks.*

*Warning: Suckrylic brand fiber makes no claims against Frightened Turtle Syndrome, commonly known as “shrinkag”. In cases of FTS lasting more than four hours, please consult a qualified knitter for a longer sweater.

In her youth, Beverly was a lively brunette with a sparkle in her eye and a spring in her step. And then she made vacation plans that would change her life forever. It’s a little known fact that the owners of the Hotel California ran a ski lodge before expanding their franchise in the hospitality-of-the-damned business. And so Bev spent, and indeed, is still spending an eternity in the Ski Lodge California. Sure, she checked out, but she never could leave.

The old lodge did strange things to people and our Bev was not immune. As good as the hot cocoa was, it wasn’t enough to keep her personality from splintering into pieces, each one stranger than the next. Not even with the little marshmallows.

Breakfast Bev is the most bearable of the bunch, though the use of the term €œbrassy€ to describe her new personality, hair and skin is somewhat disturbing. If nothing else, her sweater is bright and cheerful and her eyebrows have remained unaffected by her jarring follicular transformation.

Lunchtime Bev ushers in the afternoon of the mustard smock. Inexplicable ¾ length sleeves allow her ever-present turtleneck to breath during it’s eternity of constant wear. Her golden tentacles are restrained in a bun to protect those around her from their grasp.

After-dinner Bev is a whole other story. It seems that a whole day of playing Yahtzee in limbo really packs on the years. The sparkle in her eye is lost to the dark holes of mascara and the turtleneck becomes the backdrop for a dramatic Reptilian Lace coverup. “Come, step in to my lair,” she hisses, “and fetch mama a glass of wine, will you?”

Just remember – if you ever get stuck at the Yarn Store California, you can stab it with your steely needles, but you just can’t kill that beast. But you can knit a cozy for it!

‚ 

‚ 

‚ 

And my dignity seems to be intact. The signing went well yesterday, thanks to all who came out to support me! And thanks for all the good-luck wishes in comments and email, too.

Charlene‚ embroidered this for me to keep me from freaking out during the reading. How amazing is this? She made it based on a Simpsons episode where Lisa’s substitute teacher gives her an inspirational note that says “You are Lisa Simpson”. Awwww. So Sweeet! I put it on the table with me when I was signing books. It definitely helped.

‚ 

And with Dot’s kind help, the Traveling Trunk Show (lovingly nicknamed “The Bin of Uglies”) was a hit!

Very early Saturday morning, a group of us caravanned out to Webs to start the day with a little yarn party. In attendance were:

Kellee, Elisa, Kristen, Cynthia, Wendy, Maryse, Marcy, and‚ Cate.

Yarn was bought and bargains were had. I scored a sweater’s worth of Elizabeth Lavold Silky Tweed in color number 08 for just $4.49 a skein! I know I should have branched out with a different color, but I can’t. I’m powerless against a tweedy, flecky green. I also got some Trekking XXL in a lovely brown for Jon. Well, for socks for Jon. I haven’t got him knitting yet, but we still have the rest of our lives.

After yarn and a number of escape attempts, I was shuttled off for a drink before the reading. During the entire trip, I went through a range of emotions including but not limited to: denial, rage, fear, anger, panic, despair, . . . is wanting to bite people an emotion? I also lashed out at Kellee, who was driving at the time. I thought she was my friend, so why was she making me do this? How could she be driving in the direction of the book store? It felt like she was taking me to the vet to be neutered. I felt betrayed. She probably would have been better off putting me into a pet carrier at that point.

We had some bar food and I had a generously proportioned gin and tonic at Chilis, which all really hit the spot perfectly at that point and we were on our way. After a couple more attempts at bolting out the door, resulting in my being physically restrained by at least three people (I was only half kidding that time), I made my way to the back of the store where I was greeted by lots of cool things.

My husband and my friends/downstairs neighbors Charlene and Laura made the trek from Boston for the signing. Here is Laura with something I never in my life thought I’d see. Seriously, if you had shown me this poster a couple of years ago, I would have fallen on the floor laughing and the very idea.

‚ 

‚ 

I was also greeted by the lovely and charming Sara aka togbean, who books events at the store.‚ Oh man, is she awesome. She has been invaluable during this whole process. She answered all of my questions about what is expected of someone doing a book signing. Turns out that my instinct to bring cookies for everyone was unfounded. That was a relief! She was so accommodating and even had a chai latte waiting for me when I got there. ~sigh~ And, she lent the MOKS an heirloom poncho for the Traveling Trunk Show!

‚ 

And here are the customers just clamoring for the book. Note the Wall o’ Kitschy Stitches?

‚ 

The whole thing is now kind of a blur, but I think I managed to stay the same color through the whole presentation, I didn’t break out into a sweat and I didn’t just dissolve into a puddle. It helped that I either live with or had just been at a bar with 90% of the people that showed up. There were a few other attendees who I’ve never met, but I could just tell they shared out love/hate relationship with the granny square. I feel like each event will be better than the last. I now have two weeks to prepare for the October 6th signing in Brooklyn and I think I’m going to be ok at this. Not Harlot-brilliant, but Stitchy-good.

‚ 

‚ 

‚ 

‚ 

OK, I’ve been writing blog post after blog post for the past two weeks, but they never seem to make it out of my head. And the pictures never seem to make it to the camera.‚ But today, I will remedy that. But not right now. I’m about to head off on the third attempt to give my book to my high school creative writing teacher. I keep missing him. The bummer is that I’m from NH, which means I have to drive an hour to get there. (yes, I know I should just make an appointment with him, but what fun is that?)

‚ Anyhoo, I just wanted to post a reminder that I’ll be doing my first signing at the Barnes and Noble in Hadley, MA this Saturday (holy crap, that’s tomorrow!) at 2:00. It’s just half an hour away from Webs, so I don’t see how you can resist. The address is 335 Russell Street.

It’ll be a multimedia extravaganza with words,‚ images, real live artifacts from the Traveling Trunk Show, and me, sweating and trembing with horror before your very eyes. Should be a good time. Hope to see you there!

I’ll be back later today, I swear.

‚