Posted by Stitchy McYarnpants On September - 24 - 2006   ShareThis

In her youth, Beverly was a lively brunette with a sparkle in her eye and a spring in her step. And then she made vacation plans that would change her life forever. It’s a little known fact that the owners of the Hotel California ran a ski lodge before expanding their franchise in the hospitality-of-the-damned business. And so Bev spent, and indeed, is still spending an eternity in the Ski Lodge California. Sure, she checked out, but she never could leave.

The old lodge did strange things to people and our Bev was not immune. As good as the hot cocoa was, it wasn’t enough to keep her personality from splintering into pieces, each one stranger than the next. Not even with the little marshmallows.

Breakfast Bev is the most bearable of the bunch, though the use of the term €œbrassy€ to describe her new personality, hair and skin is somewhat disturbing. If nothing else, her sweater is bright and cheerful and her eyebrows have remained unaffected by her jarring follicular transformation.

Lunchtime Bev ushers in the afternoon of the mustard smock. Inexplicable ¾ length sleeves allow her ever-present turtleneck to breath during it’s eternity of constant wear. Her golden tentacles are restrained in a bun to protect those around her from their grasp.

After-dinner Bev is a whole other story. It seems that a whole day of playing Yahtzee in limbo really packs on the years. The sparkle in her eye is lost to the dark holes of mascara and the turtleneck becomes the backdrop for a dramatic Reptilian Lace coverup. “Come, step in to my lair,” she hisses, “and fetch mama a glass of wine, will you?”

Just remember – if you ever get stuck at the Yarn Store California, you can stab it with your steely needles, but you just can’t kill that beast. But you can knit a cozy for it!

Categories: MOKS

8 Responses

  1. maryse says:

    is it wrong that i actually don’t find any of these sweaters really offensive?

  2. Stephieface says:

    Patterns on the ceiling….
    Weaved in ends is oh so nice…
    They are all just prisoners there…
    Cause of their yarny vice…

    Now that song will be stuck in my head all day.

  3. Marla says:

    It’s because if she takes off the turtleneck, you can see the knob that can be twisted for longer or shorter hair styles.

  4. tejasmom says:

    Doesn’t she really look like a man with different wigs?

  5. April says:

    she SO looks like a MAN, tejasmom! I was just saying, I think that IS a man! ***cue the music from Psycho*** reek reek reek reek!

  6. Shannon says:

    S/He also seems to become more rigid and manekin-like as the curse progresses….although the yarn seems to losen up….

  7. Kiki says:

    Strangely hilarious, yet terrifying pictures…in the last one it seems as if someone outside the picture frame has broken wind and the smell is just reaching her nose…love this site, it kept me giggling for a while!

  8. dooberoo says:

    Wow if those shirts would of been hung up on clothes hangers instead of that oddly colored lady it is possible the shirts would look better. Ditch the turtlenecks. For the bottom shirt a matching camisole to match the yarn instead. Would look nice for evenings out.

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