Posted by Stitchy McYarnpants On July - 31 - 2007   ShareThis

Check it out! I just got the director’s cut of Alfred Hitchcock’s long forgotten Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

*Spoiler alert*

In yet another fine example of Yarn Noir, Hitchcock puts his signature twist on a tired old story. Rather than casting actual bears for this film, he seems to have hired two lambs and some sort of wolf-bear hybrid. In a stunning turn of events, we learn that the chairs were rigged and the porridge was poisoned!

Goldie was a tough dame with killer gams, but she was also a double-crossing spy who got in way over her head. She thought she was dealing with a furry family of simpletons whose primary motivation was quiet walk, and maybe a nice poo, in the woods. Little did she realize she was actually mixed up with sheep in wolf-bears’ clothing. Cruel, calculating, power hungry sheep determined to seize control of one of the largest mob families in the forest. They would run the Grizzbino crime syndicate, no matter who got in their way.

A must-see for the whole family, provided the kids don’t mind a blood-soaked adventure that’s positively Shakespearean in violence.

Categories: MOKS

13 Responses

  1. maryse says:

    why does the word “poo” make me giggle?

    sounds like two thumbs up!

  2. Chatty Ali says:

    You are so freakin’ hilarious I don’t know what to do with myself!!!!

  3. Grizzbino!
    Thats awesome

  4. Amy says:

    Wow. Baby “Bear” leaning over Goldie like that needs to be accompanied by some ominous, pulsing music, and perhaps a shrieking sound over and over.


  5. heather says:

    the flowers around G-locks is a nice touch, makes you think that they are killers with heart…fabulous!

  6. susan says:

    Oh shiiiiiiiiit that is too good. Of course it is all shot in black and white. Dum dum dummmmmmmmm.

  7. gerald says:

    Just what I needed…to spew diet pepsi out of my nose. :)

  8. Becka says:

    Woo-Hoo, you’re back!

    Tee-Hee, poo.

  9. Sandra says:

    My first visit. Oh my.

  10. Cathy says:

    I’m sorry. I have to break my strict ‘lurker’s oath’ and comment. I am sobbing with laughter. Each new peek at the ‘wolf-bear hybrid’ makes me shriek with renewed glee. Oh. My. Good. God.

  11. Ann says:

    Looks more like at pig-bear to me. I think I see a snout! Watch out, Goldilocks!!

  12. angie Cox says:

    Oh I feel sick ..taking the law into your own paws .Really doing THAT to her , maybe she was just a stupid kid down on her luck.

  13. Juanita Nito says:

    I got my dear Bramwell to look at these bears and he is convinced they are wolf in Bear’s clothing , shocking!

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