Posted by Stitchy McYarnpants On December - 17 - 2007   ShareThis

I scream, you scream, we all scream and scream and scream . . .

This woman is the Giving Tree of kitsch. Let’s make a list of all that she’s given us, shall we?**

1. A set of knitted, belted, orangeĀ hotpant overalls

2. Knee-high clog spats

3. A purple shirt with puffy sleeves and realistic choking action

4. A strangely glowing tan that rivals the color of her knitted, belted hotpant overalls

5. Irradiated rosy cheekbones that could open a tin can

6. A Tyra-worthy fivehead.

7. A positively Freudian ice cream treat

8. Those eyes. Lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When she comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be living… until she bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’.

8. Nightmares for the rest of our lives

And if only she were facing us, I do believe we’d be treated to a camel’s entire fist, not simply the toe.

*wipes single tear from cheek*

She is perfection.

**please feel free to add anything I’ve forgotten!

Categories: MOKS

18 Responses

  1. laura says:

    she is really and truly fabulous–a holiday treat!

  2. etselec says:

    You forgot the strung-together jelly bean necklace! She’s just one big tooth-ache waiting to happen!

  3. Sara says:

    I can NOT imagine any boy, little or not, wanting to “climb her trunk” :O

  4. Susanna says:

    Also, she appears to be wearing some sort of tights or pantyhose that are either an attempt to match her brown belt or her orangey tan.

  5. Marla says:

    Upper arm sleeve tourniquets? I think that was forgotten. (Rubs eyes and squints – looking more closely.) Yup – the right hand is withering and dying right off, as proven by the rigor mortis and incredibly awkward position it froze in.

  6. Vanessa says:


    I bet there’s another picture with her wearing rollerskates!

    I just think it’s fantastic that colourblind stylists can get work in fashion!

  7. Leslie says:

    The’s the belt that just pulls this whole look together, don’tcha think??

  8. Lisa says:

    Who wants to bet me she can’t move her right hand because all that crap hanging off of it has snagged in the double stockinette layer on her ass?

  9. Kitt says:

    That line on her right wrist? That’s not a bracelet.

    It’s a hinge.

  10. April says:

    I can’t type because I’m screaming

  11. Carson says:

    You forgot (and how can one blame you? How can anyone concentrate in the face of such splendour?) the most important accessory of all: her ‘Freudian ice cream treat’ is actually a cunningly disguised hair dryer ( how else do you think she can get that tresses-in-the-breeze look everywhere she goes?)

  12. patricia says:

    Dios mio!

    The necklace- the perfecting touch.

  13. Fran says:

    Dare I point out the knitted fuck-me boots?

  14. Jeanpeace says:

    Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me

    Don’t cha wish your girlfriend had a knit bib overall short’s outfit like me.

    Don’t cha, Don’t cha

  15. Anonymous says:

    Well… I thought the ice cream was the only reason a boy would climb her… but if it’s the hair dryer, it takes away my “wind machine” suggestion…
    I have to say that the radiating tan and my suggestion: “no-one’s skin matches this color” color pantyhose and shiny face kind of are the same…
    But none of you pointed out she has no eyebrows.

  16. Daniel says:

    If I’d have known you were coming I’d have baked a cake.

  17. smartygirl says:

    is the pattern for this included in “stitching it old school”?

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