Greetings, loyal patron(s). Welcome back! We apologize for our abrupt disappearance. There was a speck of drama in the administrative offices, but most of the Museum staff were released on parole earlier this week (some, who shall remain nameless, cough*TammyInAccounting*cough are undergoing some well-deserved state-sponsored rehabilitation), so we can finally get back to business.

We would be remiss if we were to gloss over the entire situation, so before we move forward, we must go back. As you may remember, we recently announced a very exciting project involving Miss West Virginia, Shelby Free. Miss Shelby is one of the contestants hand-selected to compete in the 2008 Best in Drag pageant and we have the honor of creating a spectacular gown for the occasion! Best in Drag is one of Aid for Aids biggest and most entertaining fundraisers. Last year, the event raised $300,000 to help those living with AIDS. Be sure to go to Shelby’s website, click “Donations” on the left sidebar and give until it’s glamorous! (Be sure to include Shelby’s name on your donation as requested on the Donations page.)

Since the gown is made entirely of beer cans and acrylic yarn, is it any wonder than events spiraled into chaos so quickly and with such thundering force? Upon reflection, it may not have been the best idea to involve Tammy with the likes of one Winnebago Lynn McCoy. Winnie Lynn was the Co-Acting Director-at-Large of our Historic Textiles department, and she was heading up this exciting gown project. We thought that Tammy and Winnie’s “shared interests” would bond them, but as it turns out, one of their more recent shared interests happened to be Vinnie in Security. Needless to say, an argument ensued and when it was all over, we were left with a ragged pile of blond hair extensions, a number of bloodied, broken acrylic fingernails, and oddly, a satin thong.

As it turns out, Winnie was actually a fugitive on the run from the law in West Virginia, of all places! Upon further investigation, we learned that she was one of Shelby Free’s arch enemies, sworn to do whatever she could to get back at her childhood nemesis. She was planning to sabotage Shelby’s dress in order to embarrass her at the pageant! Luckily, her nefarious plan was thwarted and we can now continue work on the dress.

As the curator of the Museum, I have decided to personally oversee the construction with the aid of my Help Meet, Jon. Please enjoy these photos documenting this challenging, but rewarding task.

Getting down to business, I decided to attack from the front.

Delicate shoulder straps will give this a frock a feminine touch.

I added a feminine touch all my own. It was all in the name of committing to a cup size. We went with a full C.

My husband gave it a decidedly masculine touch. Truth be told, Jon is the one who worked out the best way to handle the bust shaping. Beer cones!

Thank you for your continued patronage and for your generous donations to the Best in Drag show! More updates and a new MOKS gallery coming soon! And if Tammy calls you (the office Rolodex has come up missing and she’s got hiding crevices that the warden hasn’t even thought of), do NOT send her rum cake with a file in it. It is NOT “part of her program”. Ask us how we know.

Stitchy McYarnpants
Creator, Curator
Museum of Kitschy Stitches

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So I’ve been toying with adding a monthly feature to this little blog o’ mine. I love the idea of having a fun blog project due every month. I also hate the idea of having a fun blog project due every month. You can see my dilemma.

This feature would be a way to share another of my obsessions with people that I think would enjoy it. See, I have an unnatural need to buy every vintage ladies magazine I can find. I have piles of magazines from the 20’s to the 70’s (and don’t think I haven’t been eyeing the 80’s ones lately). They cover subjects like homemaking, interior design, crafts, embroidery, crochet, and yes – knitting. I’ve also got lots of old pattern leaflets of all kinds. I went through a brief pot-holder phase which culminated in my going cold turkey from eBay for almost 6 months.

Occasionally, when I’m supposed to be doing something for the good of the household, I just sit in the corner of a room pouring over the images and articles which range from beautiful to hilarious to mind-boggling. Instead of actually baking a cake, I page through a 1952 Ladies Home Journal and just imagine baking one then twirling around with it in the kitchen while wearing a fluffy 50’s dress. And pumps. You know how it is. Humor me, just nod politely.

Having just scored another great mag stash, I am inspired to share. And this new batch is a doozy. Mostly McCalls Needlework and Crafts from early 70’s, AND some terrific booklets from the Creative American Craft Series. No cake-twirling here, nosiree! Nothing cakey OR twirly about the 70’s, you’ll see.

So without further ado, I present my new and tentative feature: The Museum of Kitschy Stitches

For this first edition, we will be heading into the East Wing which houses the Seemed-Like-a-Good-Idea-at-the-Time Gallery.

This is Evelyn Richardson of Long Beach, CA. She is this week’s Guest Artist. “Hi Evelyn!”

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According to the fine folks at the Creative American Craft Series, Evelyn’s enthusiasm for crocheted hats and purses led her to a unique brand of hand-crafting. That’s the understatement of the decade. Ladies and gentlement, I give you . . . Aluminun Can Apparel. All together now – “Thank you, Evelyn!”

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And just how did she come to realize that cans were to become the medium through which her muse would speak? “Evelyn discovered that aluminum cans offered her a greater variety of color and design and were always available from her son and his friends who collected them on weekend trips.”

So her beer-soaked son, who I can only assume lived in the basement, led her to it. It’s starting to make sense now. And how does a woman living in denial of her boy’s rampant alcoholism manifest her concern? Why, with a lovely Coors Ensemble, of course.

Says here that it’s “nice enough for an evening out but still casual enough for that weekend get away!!” Probably no one at the opera will notice the sound of crunching metal as you fidget in your seat.

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I wonder what’s worse. Having a six-pack of freezing cold aluminum cans on your head . . .

or piping hot ones?

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And finally, what would humiliating clothing be without involving Dad and golf? I know mine would beg for another fish-shaped tie if he saw me coming at him with an empty can of beer sewn into a spunky visor or a kicky hat.

‚ I swear to you that the caption near the photo says “every man should have his own hat which tells everyone that he drinks”. My guess is that if he’s willing to wear it, everyone already knows.

Stay tuned for next time when we will learn that it is in fact possible to make skin-tight hot pants out of crocheted granny squares.

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