Lurking in the shadows is a menace that knows no bounds. Its destructive capabilities are both mystifying and horrific. Equipped with eyes that observe the night when you are most vulnerable, razor sharp teeth in relentless pursuit of another victim, and a dark mind bent on mutilation, there is no reasoning with this beast. Take precautions. Stand steadfast in its wake. Prepare for ruination. Nothing you do will stop it or make its grisly vocation any less devastating. What is this ghastly creature called?

Dot

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You heard me. Dot. That adorable white cat from such posts as “Book Binge” and “Long-ass Post” is also a destructive, fiber-eating monster! She has yet to get her choppers on any of my knitting, but it is a constant and debilitating fear.

Here is some of her handiwork. She has redesigned the hood on my favorite hoodie, widened the top band one of my favorite socks, and after careful consideration, decided that my shoes looked better without the little loopy thing on the back.

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This morning, the Hub modeled his restructured bathrobe for us.

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This is her finest work to date. See Santa? Isn’t he cute? One year we put him out for Christmas. He really cheered the place up, until . . . (click photo to see the gory aftermath)

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Please note Santa’s rather conspicuous lack of arms. Do you know where those arms are? Over the past year or so, bit by bit, I’ve been scooping them out of the litter box. That’s right, they were EATEN! If I had a decent camera I could show you that Santa also lacks ears. If you look closely, you can see that the very edge of his hat and coat are also meticulously nibbled.

I’ve talked to the vet and done extensive research online to learn more about this fiber habit. Turns out it’s common in Siamese cats and it’s referred to as “wool sucking” or “wool chewing”. It appears the intent is not to destroy anything but rather to ease some compulsive need to suck. Yeah, she sucks, alright. Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do to curb it. You can try to reprimand them when you catch them doing it, but we rarely see her in action. One site reported that it could be treated by removing the molars! But pretty much everything I’ve read starts off with ridiculous ideas about putting hot sauce on stuff to deter it (yes, I would love to cover everything in my house in Tobasco!) and ends the article by saying that meds are probably the best way to deal with it. So basicaly, our dear Dot has a touch of the OCD. It worries me that she’s ingesting material, but as long as she’s getting rid of it, the vet says she should be ok. What really worries me is that one day she’ll get into my or knitting bag or stash bin and have herself a buffet! I just picture her wearing a lobster bib and winding yarn around a fork like spaghetti.

In the end, we just try to keep stuff off the floor (it’s not easy for either of us, my husband and I are not exactly neat freaks). I think my mother actually likes that the cat has this behvior because it gives her the chance to say “Well, if you picked up after yourselves . . .” and trails off with a smug look that only a mother can pull off.

In knitting news, the Manly sweater is coming along smashingly! Another inch or so and I can start doing the shaping for the arms! In the photo, it looks like I’ve added a spiffy pocket, but that’s the swatch I did. I wanted to show how different it looks from the WIP. For some reason, I’m amazed at what a little washing and blocking can do.

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Since I’ve been working mainly on the sweater, the poor neglected Hallowig has been pushed to the bottom of the knitting bag. I’ll have it done soon, I promise!

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I’ve been very bad. I’ve been trying to curb the yarn-buying for a bit so I can use up what I have. Unfortunately, to keep my mind off yarn, I’ve bought a number of knitting-related books in the last week. Of course, 3 are pattern books, so that will require me to but more yarn.

I’m stuck in a knitting spiral!

I got Rowan #s 28 and 29 from eBay (those haven’t arrived yet), Confessions of a Knitting Heretic (spiral bound edition) and Cornelia Tuttle Hamilton Book 2 (a real bargain at 10 bucks!) Hello Klaralund, my pretty.

Still chugging away on the Hallowig and Manly sweater, but haven’t gotten any done in the past few days. Between work and social obligations, I haven’t gotten my knit on. Tonight is the night, oh yes. Tonight.

And just so you know, things like this are why I love working from home!

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awwwwwwwwwwww . . . .

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So I’ve been toying with adding a monthly feature to this little blog o’ mine. I love the idea of having a fun blog project due every month. I also hate the idea of having a fun blog project due every month. You can see my dilemma.

This feature would be a way to share another of my obsessions with people that I think would enjoy it. See, I have an unnatural need to buy every vintage ladies magazine I can find. I have piles of magazines from the 20’s to the 70’s (and don’t think I haven’t been eyeing the 80’s ones lately). They cover subjects like homemaking, interior design, crafts, embroidery, crochet, and yes – knitting. I’ve also got lots of old pattern leaflets of all kinds. I went through a brief pot-holder phase which culminated in my going cold turkey from eBay for almost 6 months.

Occasionally, when I’m supposed to be doing something for the good of the household, I just sit in the corner of a room pouring over the images and articles which range from beautiful to hilarious to mind-boggling. Instead of actually baking a cake, I page through a 1952 Ladies Home Journal and just imagine baking one then twirling around with it in the kitchen while wearing a fluffy 50’s dress. And pumps. You know how it is. Humor me, just nod politely.

Having just scored another great mag stash, I am inspired to share. And this new batch is a doozy. Mostly McCalls Needlework and Crafts from early 70’s, AND some terrific booklets from the Creative American Craft Series. No cake-twirling here, nosiree! Nothing cakey OR twirly about the 70’s, you’ll see.

So without further ado, I present my new and tentative feature: The Museum of Kitschy Stitches

For this first edition, we will be heading into the East Wing which houses the Seemed-Like-a-Good-Idea-at-the-Time Gallery.

This is Evelyn Richardson of Long Beach, CA. She is this week’s Guest Artist. “Hi Evelyn!”

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According to the fine folks at the Creative American Craft Series, Evelyn’s enthusiasm for crocheted hats and purses led her to a unique brand of hand-crafting. That’s the understatement of the decade. Ladies and gentlement, I give you . . . Aluminun Can Apparel. All together now – “Thank you, Evelyn!”

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And just how did she come to realize that cans were to become the medium through which her muse would speak? “Evelyn discovered that aluminum cans offered her a greater variety of color and design and were always available from her son and his friends who collected them on weekend trips.”

So her beer-soaked son, who I can only assume lived in the basement, led her to it. It’s starting to make sense now. And how does a woman living in denial of her boy’s rampant alcoholism manifest her concern? Why, with a lovely Coors Ensemble, of course.

Says here that it’s “nice enough for an evening out but still casual enough for that weekend get away!!” Probably no one at the opera will notice the sound of crunching metal as you fidget in your seat.

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I wonder what’s worse. Having a six-pack of freezing cold aluminum cans on your head . . .

or piping hot ones?

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And finally, what would humiliating clothing be without involving Dad and golf? I know mine would beg for another fish-shaped tie if he saw me coming at him with an empty can of beer sewn into a spunky visor or a kicky hat.

‚ I swear to you that the caption near the photo says “every man should have his own hat which tells everyone that he drinks”. My guess is that if he’s willing to wear it, everyone already knows.

Stay tuned for next time when we will learn that it is in fact possible to make skin-tight hot pants out of crocheted granny squares.

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Since the new Knitty came out when I was at work on Friday, all I could do was fantasize about cracking into my old stash of acrylic yarn from the days of mile-long crocheted afghans. Unable to contain my glee, I showed the photo to a Russian woman in my office, hoping she too would find it to be a hoot. But it seems hootiness of the Hallowig may not transcend cultural barriers, because she appeared to think it was a hat. Sensing my delight with this pattern, she enthusiastically agreed that this was a wonderful thing and it would really keep my neck AND forehead warm. She also suggested that I make a matching scarf. All the while she was nodding happily. This woman wears Prada glasses and has the most amazing shoe collection I’ve ever seen. She obviously thinks I am insane and have the most horrendous taste in the universe. She will probably ask my boss if she can change her cubicle to the other side of the office for fear that I may consider knitting her something, you know, as a cube-neighborly gesture.

Unfettered by this unfortunate exchange, I brought the printed pattern home and showed it to my knit-weary hub. And a strange thing happened. He loved it. And he asked me to make him a black one. Whaaa . . . ok! He wants it for a potential Halloween costume, but I secretly think he wants to use it to taunt my brother. They’re both, hmmm . . . how shall I put this . . . evolving beyond the need for mammalian cranial coverage. Becoming folically liberated. They’re losing a touch of hair. And they make good-natured ribs back and forth. Hey, I don’t care if he wants to use it to join the circus, I just want to make a freakin’ Hallowig! So I started one this weekend.

I had to put his Manly Sweater on hold for a bit.

Does it strike anyone else as odd that I’m putting a Manly sweater on hold so I can make him a wig? That’s why I love him so.

My sister-in-law also wants a black Hallowig and I’m going to make a yellow one for my cousin. She’ll really get a kick out of it. It pleases me to no end that I live among people who share my appreciation for the stranger things in life.

Like a siren from the sea
Klaralund is calling me

Damn is that ever a pretty sweater! I wasn’t too crazy about it when I just saw the pattern from the book, but now that Alison (of the Blue Blog Alisons) has finished hers, I do believe I need a Klaralund in my life. I love the shape, the back, the texture, the colors, the name. Just loverly. I’d like to wait until more people in the Klaralund-Along finish theirs so I can see how it will look on someone shaped more like me, but I fear my will is not strong enough and I shall buckle under the pressure of Noro Silk Garden. Those scrumptious colorways are beckoning to me. Make them stop! Why won’t someone just make them stop?!?

And when the tiny voices of colorways are not creating a constant buzz in my head, the surprisingly husky voice of Hallowig is. Now, what we have here is something that is so kooky, so bizarre, so completely unhelpful in my day-to-day existence that I simply MUST have it. Its very unnecessariness has made it absolutely necessary. Imagine that! There are a couple of fantastic things in the brand-spankin’ new Knitty that I’d like to make. Blaze is something I think I’d like to work up to. I haven’t figured out the cable thing yet, but it’s on the list. (now where did I put that list . . .)

Frida from the new MagKnits is also quite fetching, but as much as I want to make every poncho I see, I must choose only one. I may succumb to the evil mind-bending powers of the Very Harlot Poncho, as many of our sisters in knitting have. But I don’t even know if I’d ever wear it. I use a backpack instead of a purse, so I think wearing it over a poncho would be a little awkward, and I just can’t wear it underneath. With all my little physical imperfections, I simply cannot toss a hunch on the pile.

I got my 100% One Hump Camel (hee hee) in the mail yesterday. It’s so light and airy – it almost feels like cotton candy. It was all I could do not to lick it to see if it would melt. Ok, I licked it a little. It didn’t melt, but I was spitting camel fibers for a while after that. Don’t tell anyone.