Posted by Stitchy McYarnpants On December - 25 - 2005   ShareThis

Santa just stopped by for a brewskie after his shift and he seems to think you’ve all been very good this year. He was a little tipsy, so it could just be that you were very sneaky. Regardless, he left some treats for everyone who requested something in the comments Friday, plus a few more goodies!

For jenifleur, it’s her heart’s desire. A Super Star Barbie, complete with stage set! She can control Barbie’s Super Diva hissy fits by remote control – now with vase-throwing action! Articulated wrist lets Barbie toss back cocktails, pop pills and gesticulate wildly at Ken’s ridiculous assertions that maybe she has a problem.

And once she gets out of rehab, Barbie can get a nice, normal, regular job selling airline tickets. How sad for Barbie. One minute, she’s on top of the world, and the next thing you know, the producers of the Surreal Life won’t even return her calls.

For Melissa (who’s blogname I don’t know because Blogger won’t tell me) and Dani, we’ve got some Barbie Fashion Plates. It’s like a year’s worth of Museum of Kitschy Stitches entries in one box! Fantastic! I always wanted these, too, but never got them. I spent a lot of time that year making impressions of coins and stuff with the tin-foil wrapping of my Ring Dings. ~sigh~

Could it be possible that Imbrium’s mother read the Sears catalog to her in utero? That’s where she was in 1978, and yet she yearned for a little robot friend named Alphie in the 80’s. It’s not entirely impossible that Alphie has been transmitting messages to her since before she was even born. Imbrium, do you feel unnatural urges to do simple math and sing the same five songs over and over for no reason?

Stephanie, please accept out apologies, you’re going to have to go commando. Sears had no Underoos to offer, but I agree, they did look “Fun to Wear!” Being naked under your clothes is fun, too. But now you can stretch to your heart’s content with Stretch Armstrong and his new “companion”, the Stretch Serpent. He appears to be a product of the unholy union between a Sleestack and a bookworm who’s been reading too much in the dark, but he and Stretch are in love and that’s all that matters.

Eerrrrm, here Marlena, it’s the Barbie Dream House you wanted! And look, there’s a car and a boat and some cool disco clothes! Enjoy, I gotta go! What’s that? It says her name is Tuesday Taylor? No, I think that’s just a typo, it’s Barbie. Huh? No, really, I think they just spelled it in French or something. She’s the same doll. Stop crying, Marlena, she’s just as good. Look, she’s even two-timing with Ken! Don’t pout, your face will freeze that way and then you’ll be sorry.

Here you go, Dani. Mousetrap. I think it’s great that you never actually had this game. You still have fond memories of its potential to actually be fun. If you had gotten it, you’d be just as disillusioned as the rest of us. By the time you unpack the whole thing and figure out how to play, you’ll have already lost at least two of the pieces, the marble will have rolled away and the cat will have taken off with the rubber band. But it’s ok, you would have never figured out just what the hell that rubber band was for anyway. I recommend just keeping your fantasies intact and never open the box.

Amy! Here is your very own set of twin Babies Alive! Can you believe that wacky mix-up at the fertility clinic?! Batteries still aren’t included, but just pillage them from every remote control and flashlight in the house, it’ll be fine. Word to the wise, hide Baby Alive’s food from your brother. If he’s anything like mine, he will eat it all before realizing that it doesn’t actually taste good and in fact, isn’t even really edible. He’ll get sick and it’ll be sort of funny for a while, but then you’ll have to find something else for Baby Alive to eat and you’ll resort to real food, which will eventually go bad and Baby Alive will then start to rot from the inside. Trust me, it ends badly for everyone involved. Boys ruin everything.

DebR, is there any possibility you could get some kind of body reduction surgery to get you to 1/8 scale? Because this is the best that Sears could do . . .

Your future is here, Beth. Quit your job and get started on your new career with this set of make-up heads, just for you! The first one has bendable hair that really holds a curl! The second one is the beautiful and talented Farrah Faucet! I mean, it’s actually Farrah Faucet. She really needed the work and agreed to sit still for as long as she could. Just be careful when you’re doing her lipstick, she gets a little twitchy and has a tendency to bite.

Hey itgirl, next time someone tells you to sit and spin, tell them you’ll be glad too! Just make sure you have a bucket or something.

Easy Bake Oven anyone? Oh, EVERYone wants one! Well, tough luck. You’re all getting the knock-off version. Sure, you’re still cooking with a light bulb, but what fun is a toy called the “Fun Time Oven”? Sounds a little suspicious to me. I mean, if it was so fun, they wouldn’t have to put it in the name, am I right? But we’ll throw in a snow cone machine (sorry, not the Snoopy Snow Cone machine, just the plain boring snowman one) and a Micky Mouse gumball bank. Find your own damned pennies, kid.

Ooh, look what we have here! Matchbox cars for Elisa! It’s time for you to be spoiled rotten, just like your cousins. And if it makes you feel better, I hear those Star Wars PJs are really itchy.

Melanie, like I said, word on the street is that those pajamas will put ants in your pants. Santa wanted you to have one of these instead. He said something about wanting to see you try to get up and out of it once you’d been sitting there for a while.

And for everyone else who missed out on the toys from 1978, here are some of my personal favorites:

This is a puppet that you can disguise. I always wanted one. My cousin had one and it scared the crap out of me. I still wanted one. Any toy that comes with a prosthetic nose and a kid-sized cigar is mighty fine by me.

The Fisher Price Farmhouse is a classic. It was everywhere and everyone had one. I am still convinced to this day that the noise at the beginning of Prince’s “When Doves Cry” is the noise this toy makes when you open the barn door.

Best. Toy. Ever. There was a time in this country when you could get a die-cast metal truck with intricate moving parts capable of cutting, scraping, and pinching tiny fingers at every turn. Tonka trucks were indestructible. They could withstand every last bit of punishment a kid could dish out. No amount of stomping, dropping, or bleeding on them could do any harm. This was the workhorse of the toy world. Dear, sweet Tonka. How we miss your sharp metal corners and your amazing moving parts, you made us stronger as long as you didn’t kill us.

You want a handheld video game? Take yer pick. Some blipped, some bleeped, but rest assured, they all blinked.

I have no recollection of these things. I don’t know Thing One about them. But the look on my husband’s face when he saw this page in the catalog was too cute for words. Go ahead. Find a guy in his mid-thirties and show this to him. He’ll know what they are and most likely, he’ll make a great face.

Ok, Santa’s bag is empty, there’s wrapping paper everywhere and I’m covered in bows. Another successful Christmas! Hope you had fun because now I’ve got the shakes. I can feel an eBay bender coming on and it ain’t gonna be pretty. Someone, somewhere must have a set of original Fashion Plates, right? Right?


Categories: Christmas, MOKS

37 Responses

  1. OMG!!! I so had a set of the Fashion Plates. I loved those dumb things. hehehe I could spend hours making weird combinations of clothes and coloring them in.

    Thanks for bringing back those fond memories. :O)

  2. Carole says:

    I remember all that stuff! Merry Christmas!

  3. Suzanne says:

    I hated Barbie but I loved those fashion plates. We spent hours getting our fug on with them. AND I had that Merlin game–loved it. My kids now play with their sit n spin every day.

  4. June says:

    Matt used to have a Stretch Armstrong! It was fun until the dog chewed through it, and Stretch oozed to death. I had the fashion plates (not Barbie brand, though), and I swear I had the Farrah bust, too, although I don’t remember her hair growing. We were familiar with many of the toys from that catalog. Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

  5. DebR says:

    I’m officially looking into the body reduction surgery tomorrow because that car is FAB. I even like the color! :-)

  6. Rachel H says:

    Would you believe a version of the Sit ‘n’ Spin is available in toy stores today?

    I got several Barbies in the 70’s coz our dog kept chewing their feet off, but I never got the Easy Bake Oven I craved, or even the knock off version. My Mum told me that if I wanted to bake, she’d help me learn on the real oven. the one in the Kitchen. Um, Mum? SO not the same thing. sigh.

  7. Susan says:

    Ahhh, I had Fashion Plates, the Farm and an Easy Bake… The Easy Bake was great, since my parent’s would forget about it if I got sent to mey room without dinner… Never went hungry :)

  8. Dani says:

    You’re probably right about the Mousetrap game, Stitchy. I recently bought a few other games that I wanted as a kid (Trouble, Stay Alive, and Kerplunk). Those games are only slightly more interesting than Candyland. The Easy Bake oven is a pain, too. Supervising my kid for an hour so she can make a two-bite brownie? That toy was meant for an only child because it takes forever to make a bite for all four of my kids.

  9. mayflwr says:

    merry ho-ho day to you!!!

    I loved those fashion plates as a kid…too fun

  10. goodkarma says:

    OMG! Thank you so much for the trip down memory lane. I had that Barbie airline office set with the huge computers and the world map on the wall… I completely forgot about it and now I wonder if it helped to plant the seed for all the international travel I’ve done in my lifetime. I also had Fashion Plates. Fun times, fun times. We made the fugliest outfit/color/texture combinations and LOVED every minute of it.

    Thanks again, you gave me a big chuckle. :)

  11. Fiber Fetish says:

    I LOVED my Sit ‘n Spin. I could spin on that thing for hours. That probably explains a lot about me…

  12. Marlena says:

    Aw! The fact that a yacht and car are included more than makes up for the fact that the house is not Barbie brand.

    What an awesome trip you put together. Thank you! I forgot all about Baby Alive! My cousin and I got matching ones one Christmas, and decided they would really prefer real food. Baby Alive only lived with us for a few weeks, before she succumbed to a deadly mold.

    And, you are so right about the farm! I had one too, and it was my hands down favorite toy. They make an updated one today, and I am so getting one for my nephew.

  13. Alison says:

    Okay, clearly I was spoiled as a child, because I had almost all of those. (Even Transformers – “more than meets the eye.”) Thanks for this trip to Christmas Past.

  14. jenifleur says:

    Like Alison, I must have been a spoiled brat. Between my brother and myself I think we had every one of those except the creepy puppet, which I had utterly forgotten about until now, and the tuesday taylor house. I did have a tuesday taylor, though. Where do you think my Superstar Barbie got her pills from?

  15. Becca says:

    That puppet must be the model for Mini Me…

  16. Andrea says:

    Ooh, I had those Fashion Plates. They rocked my world. I wish I still had them…

  17. Beth says:

    Scary thing #1 – Not only is the EasyBake still in production, but now they make “real meals” for them. You can now heat up some spaghetti with your light bulb!

    Scary thing #2 – That Farrah head really looks like Farrah!

    Scary thing #3 – They are still making those heads (I almost bought one) but they’re supposed to be Disney princesses, not Farrah Faucet.

    Merry Christmas!

  18. maryse says:

    what? nothing for me?!

  19. I was NEVER so mad at my MIL as when SHE found the FP barn for my DD (born in 1978) and mailed it to Texas. The Ex and I searched all over the place for it, and then we had TWO. #$%^ #$% #$%^!! DS loved the transformers… he’s not 30 yet… but they WERE say cool. Thanks for the nostalgiz!

  20. katiedid says:

    Oh my God, the farmhouse! How fun! My mom still has that thing and the barn door STILL makes that noise. It’s a little weaker than it was 20 years ago but it still does it.

    Thanks for the memories, these were really fun entries!

  21. Mary says:

    Man does this bring back memories. I had the Barbie Beauty Center (birthday, though, not Christmas gift), and my brother had that puppet with the disguises. I forgot all about that creepy thing!

  22. Becky says:

    OK, let’s see…I had a hand-painted (by my mother) ceramic version of the mushroom canisters. I think they may still be in my attic.
    I bought Stretch Armstrong for one of my nephews that year. He died of dismemberment, as I recall.
    We still have our son’s (born in ’79) FP barn, and it still makes the sound, too.
    I had that handheld football game, and would take it to work to play on slow days.
    I have a pattern to sew your own beanbag chair…want one?
    I really, really wanted an easy-bake oven when I was a kid. My folks couldn’t afford one, but got me the baking kit accessory package, so I could heat up my mom’s entire oven to bake a five-inch one-layer cake!
    Thanks for the memories!

  23. PuppyMomma says:

    I’ll take the Easy Bake oven if you don’t mind Stitchy. I had one as a child, but it never worked because my parents had cut the cord out. Not because they were afraid of me (they claim), but because they had bought it at a second hand store and weren’t sure about the wiring. Yeah right. Serves them right though. I never learned to cook! Bwahahahahaha!

    (Maybe I shouldn’t be so proud of that…..hmmm)

  24. Imbrium says:

    I am, indeed, compelled to sing the same five songs over and over…and all this time I never knew where the urges came from…thank you, Stitchy!

    I wonder if I could convince my mother to dig up my old fashion plates…I had a set, and my family never throws anything away, so they must be around somewhere….

  25. itgirl says:

    Must. Have. Adult. Sized. Sit ‘n’ Spin.

    I cannot believe it cost a measley $11.88 and my parents didn’t get me one. I’m calling my mother.

  26. Carol says:

    The top of the silo on the Fisher Price Farm comes off. My daughter stuck her foot in there and we had a heck of a time getting it out. She hates farms.

  27. Rebekah says:

    oh how this brought back memories, I stlil have a metal tonka dump truck in my basement.

    When I was an infant back in 1974, my brother and sister used to stuff me in the back of a tonka dump truck and push me into the refrigerator. The refrigerator never looked the same after the many dents we inflicted.

  28. kweaver says:

    Can you really find fashion plates on ebay? who in their right mind would sell them? i still have mine and I am not letting go.

  29. Anonymous says:

    I totally had fashion plates aAND the farmhouse!! LOVE! They still totally make sit ‘n spin and it’s still totally the coolest toy EVER!


  30. Micky says:

    Oh man that makes me feel old. I had a Barbie fashion head, a Pong(? don’t know if that was the name) handheld game, I had a stretchy octopus and I had the fashion plates. Man talk about a walk down memory lane. Ugh.

  31. Anonymous says:

    OMG.. I had an Alphie. I loved that thing. And my sister had those fashion plate things. How funny.


  32. Stacy says:

    Oh. God bless you, Stitchy. I had the fashion plates, and the farmhouse, so I know from whence you come. My brothers had the Tonka trucks, and they’re probably still entact, buried in the backyard of the house we grew up in.

    But what got me was the Baby Alive. Really, who hasn’t made a doll with even a partially opened mouth rot from the inside because of real food feedings?


  33. kay says:

    I can not believe this stuff
    it’s incredible the crap they had

  34. Halfmad says:

    We have two of those Hugo puppets at home! They kind of terrify my nephew.

  35. TooManyDaves says:

    Anyone remember the name of the Boy version of fashion plates with the monsters and superheroes?

  36. janers says:


    OMG one of my favorite toys! I had long forgotten.
    Thank you!

  37. Aldyth says:

    I never had a Ken doll, though I had plenty of Barbies. I think my mother thought my sister and I would grow up warped, if we had one.

    Instead, we made do with cutting off the hair from one of them and putting her in the most boyish Barbie clothes we could find.

    If we’re warped, it’s because of that.

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