I knew it all along, but now it’s been confirmed! Look what just come in over the newswire!
“The Man-Along has come to an end and judgment was finally passed this weekend. Knit-o-Rama’s Master of Ceremonies, Drew, announced two winners in this contest devoted to knitted menswear. The entries included a dazzling array of gorgeous sweaters and handsome men, each one worthy of a prize. Decisions did not come easy, but eventually, they were made.
The first prize, awarded for Best Overall Sweater, went to April, a descendant of the late, great Elvis Presley. Her design was based on a sweater actually worn by the King himself. “ThankYuhVeryMuch”, April replied, as she accepted her award. “That’s alright, Mama”, quipped Drew. The audience pleaded for the Elvis jokes to cease before they got out of hand. Stitchy McYarnpants, a fellow contestant and self-professed Elvis fan, quietly slipped out of her blue suede shoes and later admitted she had planned on wearing a sequined jumpsuit, but was glad she didn’t. McYarnpants had no prior knowledge of the winner’s famous relation and planned on wearing the sequin-encrusted one-piece ¢â‚¬Ëœjust because’. April was duly rewarded with a copy of the book Men in Knits, #10 ebony needles and silk needle bag both from Lantern Moon. We look forward to April’s future endeavors in sweater-making.
Blog-watchers were on the edge of their seats as the second award was presented. The much coveted “Hottest Model” prize had been used for months to woo some contestants’ models into performing all manner of tasks. It is reported that the phrase “Most hot sweater models enjoy modeling other stuff. Now put on this Tropical Shawl.” was actually used in at least one instance. Until the announcement was made, it was anyone’s game. After much deliberation, the contest organizer relented and declared Jon McYarnpants the winner, officially recognizing him as “Hott”. According to Drew, his decision was influenced by his boyfriend Dan’s insistence that he would buy Jon a drink if he saw him in a bar. Sources close to us have confirmed that Jon would indeed accept the proposed drink and would most likely chat Dan up for the entire evening. Upon hearing of his victory, Mr. McYarnpants turned several shades of red and proclaimed “Wow. And they didn’t even see my butt!” Ms. McYarnpants added “He really does have a nice butt!” Jon has been very generously awarded with a manly gift certificate to Home Depot. His wife is trying to decide which of the contest entries she will attempt next for her Hot Husband.”
Besides his fantastic butt, here are some other reasons that I think Jon is Hot:
1. He has great eyes that go between green and blue, depending on what he’s wearing.
2. He has perfect eyebrows. I pay money to have hot wax dripped on my face, then ripped off to have eyebrows like he does.
3. He makes me laugh.
4. He’s a very talented artist. He draws and sculpts exceptionally well.
5. He knows a little something about seemingly everything. He’s my Go To guy for questions about outer space, ancient history, theology, current events, and generally knows how things work. Sometimes he even draws diagrams to help me understand certain mechanical workings.
6. He is not the least bit interested in sports.
7. He had a very religious upbringing and although he has no particular interest in practicing religion, he has a good working knowledge of the bible. If someone uses their supposed Christianity as a weapon, he can recall passages, psalms and Biblical events to prove them wrong.
8. He kisses me hello and goodbye every day.
9. If they are nearby, he also kisses the cats hello and goodbye. He also came up with the habit of leaving one cat in charge when we leave together. He announces who it is just before we close the door.
10. During this past holiday season, he wore the Manly sweater I made him every time we went someplace that he wanted to look “nice”. He proudly told people that I made it for him.