Posted by Stitchy McYarnpants On March - 12 - 2007   ShareThis

Is there anything more pleasant than an afternoon in the crisp autumn air? It’s the perfect way to spend the day with your family. Nope, there’s nothing finer than enjoying nature’s bounty and bringing home . . .

A Bushel of the Damned!!!

Move over Johnny Appleseed, little Joanie Badseed is on the scene. Clearly, she’s just caused untold carnage in the orchard. In the movies, this is the part where the end credits would roll and we’d gesticulate wildly at the screen trying to warn her parents.

Can you hear the apples screaming, Clarice?

I see a lot of bad sequels in this girl’s future. Panic in the Pumpkin Patch. The Strawberry Field Massacre. Children of the Corn Maze. Pick a Peck of Pickled Death . . .

15 Responses

  1. maryse says:

    ha! i’ve seen this picture and i totally pegged her as satan’s little helper.

    but how chic are her parents for apple picking.

  2. Barbara says:

    Have you noticed the unexplainable propensity for faux layering and faux belts on patterns from the 50s, 60s, and 70s? Were they just too poor to afford the real thing?

  3. Marnie says:

    Wouldn’t that be, “Children of the Maize Maze”?

  4. Kellee says:

    Dude….after she kills them, can I have their car? That station wagon back there is ROCKIN.

  5. Laurie says:

    I think the Mom is in on it. She looks too evilly satisfied with her spawn. And the hoods. Are they covering horns or antannea or something?

    Poor sucker dad…

  6. Erin says:

    I think Laurie is so right. This is a massive evil conspiracy, and thank goodness – Stitchy McYarnpants is there to nail it. I will never feel the same about apples again.

  7. Poor little Joanie Badseed she bit in a worm and she’s trying to spit it out and don’t want you to see her doing it!!

  8. Jessica says:

    I totally agree, the mother definitely has that ‘good little devil’ gleam of pride. I’m not sure how the apples figure in, maybe they invented that eat three a day to loose weight thing, or maybe it’s the intended use of the apples later, but *something* is going to happen… and soon.

  9. Man! It takes the Dad two hands and what appears to be considerable efort to hold up his paltry bushel. Little Joanie is doing it with ONE HAND. RUN! Run now!!

  10. Jen says:

    Maybe Dad’s basket is heavier because there is a chopped up body under the top layer of apples–you know, it is the Dad’s job to cover up his child’s crimes.

    I am going to go chop down the apple trees in my backyard now……

  11. Anonymous says:

    I just noticed how horrible Dad’s sweater is. At first, I thought it was a green cardigan over a red sweater, but no. Look again… that’s all one horrid piece! I think it’s how the mother and daughter are controlling him somehow, because it’s certainly not a normal piece of knitwear in this dimension.

  12. ladylinoleum says:

    Very Village of the Damned. Um, with a brunette child…

  13. Heather says:

    eek! I guess Satan didn’t have to tempt her to eat that apple…she grabbed right from his hand, or hoof, or whatever the correct term should be!

  14. Terri Lynn says:

    Martini and Milltown(precursors to vallium)Mom. Yes, after a delightful autumn Saturday day at the orchard, picking apples, Mom realizes the work to be done with that bushel. After getting home she lights a cigarette, makes a martini, takes a milltown and the Saturday nite fights with Dad begin. All Dad wanted was an apple pie and some nookie, but Mom got wasted and tired of being that perfect wife.

  15. DutchAstrid says:


    Nothing more to say; just rolling on the floor here.

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