‚ 

‚ 

And I ain’t talkin’ ’bout no yarn. There’s no knitting content whatsoever in this post, as a matter of fact. OK, a little at the end.

It’s not often that a speaker at a White House sponsored event gives you tingles. Tingles of glee, of fear, of sweeping sadness at the state of our union, of nervous laughter, but most of all, tingles of “Oh no, he did not‚ just say that! Ohhhh SNAP!”

Stephen Colbert gave a speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner last night. It appears that since he left both the president and the big-business press corps laying over an open flame on razor sharp kebob skewers – of comedy, you won’t hear much about it from regular news outlets. Do yourself a huge favor, watch it. I’ve never seen such nerve. I would most certainly have gone into full-on Jan Brady mode and‚ run out of there crying, my hair swinging awkwardy behind me. But I’m sure he didn’t expect to leave there in good graces, so he made the most of what was a rather surprising invitation to speak. If you don’t watch his show on Comedy Central, Colbert used to be on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. He now has his own fake news show where his character is based on Bill O’Reilly. He obviously hates Bill O’Reilly. A lot.

Here is the story from the Daily Kos‚ where I originally found the link to the video. I’m linking it because the commentary for the post is really interesting. If you don’t feel like downloading the video (but really, you must to get the full effect), you can read a transcript here.‚ If you just want the link to the video, you can find it here at Democratic Underground.‚ It’s chopped up into two pieces to make the download quicker.

Go ahead, watch it, I’ll wait . . .

~whistles tunelessly while everyone squinches uncomfortably in their seats as they watch a man in a suit‚ tell GW what a huge disaster he is – to his face. Not to mention calling out the spinelessness of White House Press Correspondents.~

Now tell me, is there even enough yarn in the world to make this man a Wille Warmer? I think not. I Heart Stephen Colbert. Couldn’t you just picture a big vaudillian hook coming slowly into frame and yanking him out? It’s going to be a shame when he unexpectedly “retires to a remote village in Cuba” in the next couple of weeks.

It’s not so much that she’s wearing a ridiculous sweater, it’s that a ridiculous sweater seems to be wearing her. Could it be that it’s actually a sentient being using her as a host? Is this poor woman merely a vessel of nutrients, a superhighway of vascular goodness for a woolly parasite? She does seem to be trying to get our attention with a slightly panicked smile and some subtle hand gestures. The only plausible explanation is that her life force is being sucked dry by a creature from a distant yarny realm. I refuse to believe she did this to herself.

‚ 

‚ 

Well, well, well . . . what have we here? Could it be knitting?? Holy cow, it is! It’s an actual finished object. Will wonders never cease? It’s Jon’s grandmother’s birthday scarf. (and before you ask, yes, I used it in the photo for the “Finished Object Gallery” button before it was‚ actually finished. Whaddaya gonna do about it? Huh?!‚ I’ve got a fork and I’m not afraid to use it!)

I used about three and a half skeins of Berger du Nord “Charmant” (that means “charming” in French, doncha know). I think I used size 8 needles. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love the Clapotis pattern. It’s easy enough to memorize and dropping that stitch never gets old. And the finished object is the perfect showcase for yarn. I love the way the dropped bars look up close.

So lately, I’ve been trying to get back in to some semblance of a shape other than that of a BarbaMama. We’ve got a kick-ass treadmill in the basement. It’s not just some wobbly, squeaky hunk of junk that you hang your clothes on, you can actually run on this thing. And there are weights, a bench, and even a fitness ball that you sit on to do various exercises. I’ve been working out regularly for the past month, I even started the “Couch to 5k” running plan from Cool Running‚ and have had weekly outings with Charlene and Kellee! I like that they leave the word “potato” out of the title. Sure, I’d rather slather myself with sour cream and bacon, but you can only do that for so long and frankly,‚ I don’t need the constant reminder about my tatery goodness.

People often say that working out gives them energy. Vim and vigor, even. Yeah. I don’t have that. I’m tired all the time. And hurty.‚ But it’s that good kind of hurty. I’m up to week three of the plan, and so far the pain and exhaustion and stinkiness seem to be worth it. I know working out works, I have the honeymoon capri pants to prove it. They haven’t seen daylight since the summer of 2003, but who knows, maybe this will be their big comeback year. It would help if the fine folks at Pepperidge Farm would quit making double-chocolate Milano cookies. Just sayin’.

Oh, also, my apologies to Amysue. I totally didn’t realize she spelled her name that way. I’ve been using the Waltonian spelling. I went and fixed it in the last post, too. Sorry about that!

‚ 

Little Aynnie Rand saw no humor in the distasteful shenanigans of those three little pigs. Horrid, filthy, wasteful animals. A house made of straw? It makes no sense! Neither, however, does this sweater. Expanding bust pleats for a seven-year-old? A pair of drumsticks where arms should be?  No, this will not do. Objectively speaking, this is the worst. Sweater. Ever.

*psssst

. . . and so, Bear-Proof Sweaters Inc. was forced to cease production and close it’s doors forever.