Check it out! I just got the director’s cut of Alfred Hitchcock’s long forgotten Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

*Spoiler alert*

In yet another fine example of Yarn Noir, Hitchcock puts his signature twist on a tired old story. Rather than casting actual bears for this film, he seems to have hired two lambs and some sort of wolf-bear hybrid. In a stunning turn of events, we learn that the chairs were rigged and the porridge was poisoned!

Goldie was a tough dame with killer gams, but she was also a double-crossing spy who got in way over her head. She thought she was dealing with a furry family of simpletons whose primary motivation was quiet walk, and maybe a nice poo, in the woods. Little did she realize she was actually mixed up with sheep in wolf-bears’ clothing. Cruel, calculating, power hungry sheep determined to seize control of one of the largest mob families in the forest. They would run the Grizzbino crime syndicate, no matter who got in their way.

A must-see for the whole family, provided the kids don’t mind a blood-soaked adventure that’s positively Shakespearean in violence.