Posted by Stitchy McYarnpants On September - 14 - 2007   ShareThis

Members of the press, esteemed colleagues, valued patrons, and the pest control guy in the corner, we welcome you to this momentous occasion. For weeks, all of us at the MOKS have toiled selflessly to improve your museum experience. In fact, Tammy in Accounting actually worked side-by-side with Vito in security on this project. Fear not, we consulted with a contractor and the foreign objects which “somehow” found their way into the foundation will not affect the wall’s structural integrity. Tammy and Vito, I wish I could say the same about yours. But let’s not dwell on the depraved shenanigans of a few, let’s revel in the brand-spankin’ newness of the latest wonder of the museum world.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the grand opening of the Museum of Kitschy Stitches Cafe and Snackatorium!

We’ve put together an amazing menu that we’re sure our visitors will enjoy again and again. In fact, some have said it’s actually better coming up and it was going down. Below are some staff favorites.¬†Gastrointestinally speaking, this is one of our finest crowning achievements.

(Click the images for a neat surprise. I really have been toiling away!)

Hello. My name is Hotdogo Montoya. You grilled my father. Prepare to dine.

It’s great that more and more businesses are starting to jump on the recycling bandwagon. With so much reusable material thrown away every day and the earth’s dwindling resources, at least you can rest assured that botched LASIK surgeries will no longer result in unnecessary waste.

Would you care for as post-consumer Hor D’Oeuvre?

Hey, don’t blame, I’m not the one who left dinner near the salmon spawning tank.

Why so glum, beefy? Someone needs to cram some Prozac into those olive fissures before this meal starts taking hostages.

As you can see, I’ve opened up an Etsy shop! Please peruse all my wares, including this new line of cards called “The Distasteful Gourmet” and another called “Bouffant Beauties”. I’ve also been on a sewing kick, so check out my super-cool baby dresses. More items to come!

Categories: MOKS

16 Responses

  1. maryse says:

    it never gets less scary.

  2. April says:

    Hotdogo Montoya! WHA HA HA HAAAAA. Thank you for making my cooking look SO good =)

  3. …you grilled my father HA!

    Stop saying that!

    I do not think it means what you think it means.

    glad to see the new exhibition – miss ya!

  4. Corvus says:

    I feel like such an accomplished chef now.

    What about that stuff EVER APPEALED?

  5. Laurie says:

    I’m a sick sick person. Some of those looked delicious to me. Bizarre…but delicious.

    I must now go buy the fixin’s for pigs in a blanket.

  6. Cathy says:

    Once again, laughing til I’m crying. Seriously. Sobbing.

    My fave is the tray of LASIK leftovers.

    I am very, very afraid of the bouffant beauties. I anticipate nightmares.

  7. Dig It says:

    Wow I am so going to recreate some of these classics with maybe a few changed ingredients. Maybe actually make them edible and possibly better looking. I dig retro. I should also try to recreate some of them old knits and bloom loom patterns just to post new pics of some really bad clothes. Now to go and make a blog just for my new and improved retro crafting.(Mwahaha hahahaha)Sorry can’t help myself!

  8. karrie says:

    Disgusting and fantastic. You now have the best etsy sidebar photos of any blog I read :)

    You might enjoy this. It is one mof my most favorite flickr finds ever.

  9. Convulsions…that’s all I can say…convulsions

  10. Anonymous says:

    What a freakin’ riot!!! Just found this blog and I think it’s hilarious!!!

  11. emma says:

    Once again, you astound me with your brilliance. You’ve also given me some ideas for tonights dinner: cooking can get so same-y.
    Oh, by the way: you’ve been tagged

  12. Laura says:

    Have you seen the Gallery of Regrettable Food? My sister sent this link to me and it makes me laugh almost as much as your lovely fashion flashbacks!!

  13. Caroline L. says:

    maybe its time to pull out my mid 70s edition of the NY Times cookbook and whip up some salmon mousse in aspic…

  14. Ann says:

    Holy crap, beefy really does look he belongs on the psych ward. How…why…did they do that?

    I think your brain must be wired differently from everyone else’s. I’m pretty funny (sometimes), but not half as funny as you are, half the time.

    In awe, m’dear. I’m in awe.

  15. PaMdora says:

    Yumm,glad I caught this post just as I was about to eat lunch. Rather puts my lunch to shame — Tomorrow I’ll be sure to stop at the moks cafeteria instead.

    Hey Stitchy, I was cleaning out my studio and came across an entertaining publication called Xavier Roberts presents Little People Pals. I don’t know why someone who wears a straw cowboy hat is named Xavier, but it has lots of photos of zombie-eyed babies (including even the premature babies in the hospital nursery) and a certificate of authenticity, I guess for when you make your own — because “Little People..are the idea of the Century.”

    Anyway, if you don’t already have this booklet in the museum, I’d like to donate it to preserve it for future generations.

  16. PaMdora says:

    Holy cow, am I a dolt or what. I was just flipping through that book, and realized this the guy who invented the Cabbage Patch Kids. When the People Pals grew up, he sold them to Coleco and they turned the little babies heads into vinyl.

    Now I know how to make a million bucks, but the truth is, I wouldn’t have the stomach for it.

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