Members of the press, esteemed colleagues, valued patrons, and the pest control guy in the corner, we welcome you to this momentous occasion. For weeks, all of us at the MOKS have toiled selflessly to improve your museum experience. In fact, Tammy in Accounting actually worked side-by-side with Vito in security on this project. Fear not, we consulted with a contractor and the foreign objects which “somehow” found their way into the foundation will not affect the wall’s structural integrity. Tammy and Vito, I wish I could say the same about yours. But let’s not dwell on the depraved shenanigans of a few, let’s revel in the brand-spankin’ newness of the latest wonder of the museum world.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the grand opening of the Museum of Kitschy Stitches Cafe and Snackatorium!

We’ve put together an amazing menu that we’re sure our visitors will enjoy again and again. In fact, some have said it’s actually better coming up and it was going down. Below are some staff favorites. Gastrointestinally speaking, this is one of our finest crowning achievements.

(Click the images for a neat surprise. I really have been toiling away!)

Hello. My name is Hotdogo Montoya. You grilled my father. Prepare to dine.

It’s great that more and more businesses are starting to jump on the recycling bandwagon. With so much reusable material thrown away every day and the earth’s dwindling resources, at least you can rest assured that botched LASIK surgeries will no longer result in unnecessary waste.

Would you care for as post-consumer Hor D’Oeuvre?

Hey, don’t blame, I’m not the one who left dinner near the salmon spawning tank.

Why so glum, beefy? Someone needs to cram some Prozac into those olive fissures before this meal starts taking hostages.

As you can see, I’ve opened up an Etsy shop! Please peruse all my wares, including this new line of cards called “The Distasteful Gourmet” and another called “Bouffant Beauties”. I’ve also been on a sewing kick, so check out my super-cool baby dresses. More items to come! http://www.mcyarnpants.etsy.com/